We all want the key to a life of health, wealth and happiness.
I don’t have that key, however, I have story about my way of creating that in my life.
This was a powerful journey of the soul and it requires a gentle telling.
This first post is about who I was before I got chronic fatigue and how I created it.
Ongoing posts will be about how my journey unfolded as I went back to robust health.
It was a rocky journey and it will take a few blogs to explain it all.
Let’s start at how I created my ill health.
How to create a chronic illness.
In the 1981 I was the Western Australian Windsurfing state champion for the second year in a row plus I owned a very successful Physiotherapy business. Additionally, I had a marriage with a man whom I adored and all was well in my world—or so I thought.
On my twenty fifth birthday I was struck down by the pointless of my existence.
Is a perfect life the end of an era?
Everything was so “perfect” and I felt that I was wasting my life. I now know that I was having a spiritual crisis.
At this stage of my life I had the physical enablement of a four year university degree, plus the spiritual disablement of a four year university degree.
I now know that universities and the media are not the way to find your vocation or the meaning for anything at all.
I now frequently remind myself that:
Life has no meaning—it only has the meaning you choose to give it.
Don’t get me wrong, I am over the top grateful for my university education, it taught my brain to behave and be logical.
I just took it too far and let the logic take over my feelings — that was my huge mistake.
I have always been my own person, I didn’t care to fit in too much, I have mainly gone my own way — yet after university I tried to “fit in”.
I “tried”to do things the way things were done here on Planet Earth—at least the way I had been brainwashed at university.
I now tell people;
“It took me years to overcome my university education”
…and I am not joking!
My wonderful partner didn’t know what to do with me, I was unreasonably questioning everything. Absolutely everything.
Our relationship, the way I worked, connection with friends — everything.
It was exhausting for me and confusing for him.
His way of dealing with my crisis was to became bossy. He simply didn’t understand what was happening to me and in his fear he tried to force me to “do what was rational and right”.
I didn’t understand either — we were both confused.
After a short time I left him. I truly loved him with all my heart yet I left him because the power of the awakening was too strong to fight.
Leaving with love and kindness
It broke my heart to leave this kind and wonderful man, yet, I didn’t have a choice — my soul was calling me.
I love this man to this day, he was an important person in my life.
I went travelling — just to take time out — to simply be me without any influences.
I had always been a traveller and this had always been my way of getting perspective. When I am alone I easily tune in to my souls messages.
Initially my travel was for a month or two. I kept calling home and asking if the people running my business would keep working for me so eventually it expanded out to six months in Europe and Turkey.
My death wish
In retrospect I believe that I had a death wish.
I created so many intense experiences travelling alone as a single woman — in a world where men seem to have the power.
In Turkey I had many life threatening experiences — plus many life affirming experiences.
If you wish to know more about this here are the links.
Each day was out there and each night an even more fraught adventure. Keeping myself safe was a daily task.
I left Turkey loving the people, the beautiful country, however, these intense experiences left an imprint on my body.
Days of living on the edge using cortisol and adrenaline is a sure way to get a chronic illness.
Returning to integrate all that had happened in my travels.
I really didn’t want to come home after the six months but my staff were begging me so I returned.
I was still confused and didn’t see the point of my life.
After a few weeks at home I was overcome with severe pain, large lumps in my muscles and extreme fatigue.
It was debilitating and I went from Doctor to Doctor to try and work out what it was.
Over twelve months I consulted fourteen different doctors.
They were all wanting to put me on medication without a diagnosis!!!
That is not science — I knew that was bullshit!
I felt ashamed to be part of the Western Medical system.
In my work I was (and still am) a human and a scientist and I treated my clients with that respect.
I expected nothing less for me, so I was having none of that.
Eventually, I was sent to Professor Goodwin at Royal Perth Hospital and was diagnosed with the new and incurable disease of Chronic Fatigue.